Crime Beat: Slow Learner

Woman catches fire while smoking

A 90-year-old Ypsilanti woman remains in critical condition at the University of Michigan Health System after she was injured Thursday when he oxygen system caught on fire while she was smoking.

U-M spokeswoman Carolyn Brink declined to give further information about the patient.

Firefighters were called to the 400 block of west Michigan avenue Thurday around 11:30 p.m. and found the woman and her couch on fire. The woman sustained second and third-degree burns on most of her body, firefighters said. The woman was involved in a similar fire in May but was not hurt. Damage at the apartment was estimated at $1,000.

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from Snakes in Caves

Because I talked about it yesterday, because the public demands have been unceasing, but mostly because I don’t have anything else prepared today RADIOFREEUBU proudly presents another slab from the immortal SNAKES IN CAVES:
 

We have seasons, real seasons, in Pittsburgh, four of them and generally in the right order. It’s not like up north where they only have the fourth of July and Winter, or out in California, where in the end up having nothing really, only rain or sun, enlivened by the occasional earthquake.. There’s still steel in the air here, a taste of the mill in the sulfurous blast of August, rusting October, and even the arc weld of lightning during a mid-June squall.

Things change gradually but dramatically, the whole back drop to the play, the sound effects even, as the drone of the cicadas gives way to the squeak of the school swings. Pittsburgh knows that nothing lasts, can witness the giant oak turning goddess green, then golden, only to be soon enough reduced to bare bones. How can people who live in a pacific climate understand that? In the land of the lotus eater the lack of a winter reckoning makes the grasshopper emperor over the ant.

The hard part about winter in Pittsburgh isn’t the cold (though it gets cold enough, believe me), it’s the snow. I snows as much there as in many famously snowy places, but it doesn’t accumulate as much, not much comfort when you’re trying to climb Negley Hill with a foot of snow on the ground and another foot coming down. Weather’s a little different on a "hill" like that than on some fruited plain.

But there’s a comfort in the inevitability of it, isn’t there? That no matter how harsh this season in hell, things are going to change, that spring will come up and do her turn too. Places where the year is too weighted in the direction of cold and night, like Wisconsin say, tend to produce tight-asses and apocalyptics, alpha ants bent on eradicating all grasshoppers. There’s a season for everybody in Pittsburgh, and most people eventually have theirs.

Only sometimes, on a blustery spring afternoon that feels like autumn, you can get a little confused and forget which way you’re heading…

 

 

 

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Quote Bag: More Snakes, More Caves

When I first chose the basic supernatural themes of snakes and caves for my unpublished (or as I prefer to think of it, SUPPRESSED) novel Snakes in Caves (portions of which have appeared on this site) it was mostly a matter of intuition (not to mention the dirty joke level), but the more I got into my research the more I learned that both of them have extremely deep occult/conspiracy roots with lots of intertwining, which is odd because most snakes don’t even live in caves (too cold). Even after finishing that magnum opus, I keep running into repeated references to snakes, caves and snakes in caves in all sorts of places. I share with you, the illuminated, a few passages I’ve discovered in the last few weeks:

 

This is admirable, that the cave should have a twofold entrance; one made for the descent of men, but the other for the ascent of Gods.

– On the Cave of the Nymphs by Porphyry

 

According to Bishop, the Reptoids do not consider themselves extraterrestrial. They consider themselves to be returning to their native home, which is beneath the Earth’s surface.

There is a curious tradition of reptile worship among secret societies like the Mesopotamian Brotherhood of the Snake which was infiltrated by the original Illuminati thousands of years ago, and the Celtic Brotherhood of the Serpent. Reptile intelligence is a theme found in the Old Testament, Egyptian mythology and Aztec lore.

– Liquid Conspiracy: JFK, LSD, the CIA, Area 51 and UFOs by George Piccard

 

"There is no time to waste," she rasped. "We will leave her here while we take this thing to the cavern."

"The cavern?"

She smiled evilly. "We must hide it, eh?"

– The Buyer of Souls by John H. Knox

 

Zitter thought he had found a clue. He had heard Indian performers say that the bite of certain snakes could, in people who were capable of assimilating the poison, greatly increase their susceptibility to certain abnormal states with the most remarkable effects, clairvoyance, for example, somnambulism and physical invulnerability.

– The Green Face by Gustav Meyrink

 

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Titles

The Head-Thing

The Root of All

The Dead Speak From Hell

The Incandescent Division

Fancy That

Psychopomp

Grandiosity

Reading The Trespass Statute

Grooming

Since I was

Disequilibrium

The Mole Men Want Your Eyes

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Quote Bag: From Ancient Egypt

from THE LITERATURE OF ANCIENT EGYPT edited by William Kelly Simpson

 

The mouth of my girl is a lotus bud

Her breasts are mandrake apples

Her arms are vines

Her eyes are fixed like berries

Her brow a snare of willow

And I the wild goose!

              ***

I let you hear my voice lamenting

For my myrrh-anointed beauty

And you were with me there.

               ***

The love of my sister lies on yonder side,

And the river is between us;

A crocodile waits on the sandbank

Yet I’ll go down to the water,

I’ll head into the waves.

               ***

She whose excellence shines, whose body glistens,

Glorious her eyes when she stares,

Sweet her lips when she converses,

She says not a word too much.

High her neck and glistening her nipples,

Of true lapis her hair,

Her arms finer than gold,

Her fingers like lotus flowers unfolding.

Her buttocks droop when her waist is girt,

Her legs reveal her perfection;

Her steps are pleasing when she walks the earth,

She takes my heart in her embrace.

               ***

I praise the Golden Goddess,

I exalt Her Majesty,

I raise high the Lady of Heaven,

I make praise for Hathor,

And chants for my Mistress.

 

 

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Who Put the LIBS in LIBRARIES?

I went into the "public library" to use the washroom and meet some new friends, and let me tell you people, what I saw there MADE MY BLOOD BOIL! These LIBRARY LIBS are "lending" books to ANYONE THAT WANTS THEM – FOR FREE!!! Come on, people, haven’t we learned how to TREAT THE POOR? Entitlements, handouts, government support – they just pamper a lot of lazy BUMS who don’t want to work hard enough to BUY A BOOK! I guess the "librarian" liberal effete elite just don’t believe in CAPITALISM and THE AMERICAN WAY! Don’t they know that GOD’S HOLY BIBLE tells us "THOU SHALT NEITHER A LENDER NOR A BORROWER BE?" Talk about GOVERNMENT GONE WILD! When are we finally going to acquaint the "underprivileged" with GOD’S TRUTH that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH? NOT ON MY DIME, BUDDY! Aren’t we tired of ANTI-BUSINESS LIBS who try to cripple AMERICAN INDUSTRY? Who is going to buy a book when these people are "lending" them for free?

And who put the LIBS in LIBRARIES anyway? Losers can check out books on ANY SUBJECT there, including GAY MARRIAGE, ABORTION, GUN CONTROL, BIRTH CONTROL, "EVOLUTION," GODLESS PAGAN ATHEISM and even BILL CLINTON! People are going on the internet in libraries, the UNREGULATED INTERNET where they can learn to MAKE BOMBS, GROW GERM WARFARE and even look at MOVEON.ORG! Remember these are the same "librarians" who refused to hand over all the personal information on what their "patrons" were "checking out" when our president and commander in chief PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH ordered them to! Just in the name of "privacy" and "freedom." These are things that WE CANNOT AFFORD to pay attention to in a time of a WAR FOR FREEDOM! What have they got to hide? There are probably books about RADICAL ISLAMOFACISM freely circulating and HOMELAND SECURITY should know who is "curious" about this garbage.

These LIBRARY LIBS have never publically said that they WOULDN’T GIVE OSAMA BIN LADEN a LIBRARY CARD if he qualified. Why an IRANIAN ISLAMOFASCIST with a library card could walk in and get a book about HOW TO BUILD AN ATOMIC BOMB! How do we know SADDAM and the other 9/11 HIJACKERS didn’t learn how to fly planes into buildings from a LIBRARY BOOK? The 9/11 HIJACKERS who escaped and are fighting our brave soldiers (the REAL ONES who support the war) in our 51st state IRAQ are probably learning how to build ROADSIDE BOMBS from a LIB LIBRARY book! Let’s ask OBAMA and HILLARY which they support more, LIBRARIES or OUR FIGHTING MILITARY?

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with books – my own book People, Let’s Shoot the Traitors and Other Commonsense Ways to Continue the War on Terror is something EVERYONE SHOULD OWN, but let’s face it, you don’t have to read a book to AGREE WITH EVERYTHING our president and commander in chief PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH says, and in fact too much "knowledge" about "reality" might impede this crucial imperative. Why not follow the TRUE REPUBLICAN WAY and PRIVATIZE the libraries the way BLACKWATER has turned killing "civilians" into a profitable and efficient enterprise which allows them to redistribute more TAX MONEY TO THE CONSERVATIVE CAUSE? It’s a WIN-WIN idea! I’m sure a company like WAL-MART wouldn’t let the "patrons" walk out of their library with books for FREE. If the LIBRARY LIBS want free and balanced "information"maybe they should tear out the shelves and install televisions with one channel – FOX NEWS! There’s all the "free" information anyone needs to have – let the freeloading losers watch that and maybe they’d learn a thing or two!

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White Chalk by PJ Harvey

Have you ever noticed how much the media, corporations and big box retailers need to categorize things? It’s a tendency in the global capitalist consumer society to lay out goods in a regimented, easily reproduced way, from the floor plan of, say, a Borders Book & Music to the assemblage of a McDonald’s hamburger. The public is losing the ability to appreciate complex textures, to "read" original texts, be they written or simply presented by the world around them.

More and more passers by drift in my store and just gape, slack jawed, unable to comprehend the fact that it’s not laid out like the Borders/Barnes and Noble book consuming template they’re used to. One of the questions I still haven’t figured out how to answer without gritting my teeth is Are these books in any order? First of all, of course they are, it would obviously be impossible to function otherwise, and second, a cursory inspection of the shelves or even the signs would make things obvious, but because we don’t have the uniform signage and layout of the chains they are bound by, they are blind to the independent order around them.

With the complexity and uncertainty of the contemporary world people are drawn to security, even if, as with the Bush regime, it means the loss of freedom, or with MacDonald’s and the purveyors of popular entertainment, the loss of taste. When Bush opens his mouth you know exactly what he’s going to say as he pursues a rigid, simplistic, predictable consistency far past the point of absurdity, utterly oblivious to the actual situation around him. Similarly when you unwrap a McDonald’s hamburger or turn on the T.V. you know what you’ll get before you get it– more of the same, which people find comforting even though it may be crappy.

It’s the same thing with a Britney Spears or Kid Rock CD. The sound is so familiar that you feel as if you’ve already heard it even before you take off the shrink wrap, and it’s an utterly disposable product because, except for a few surface changes, it’s exactly like the CD before and after.

Which brings me to PJ Harvey’s new album White Chalk. If I’d listened to some of the reviews I’ve read I would never have bought it, but now I realize that the reviewers dismissed it because they couldn’t hear it. The "real" PJ Harvey is categorized in the ossified mind as the punky, guitar happy howler of classic work like Is This Desire? She’s celebrated for being an artist, but paradoxically criticized for daring to change, to follow her bliss, the reaction akin to that of horrified McDonald’s patrons if they bit into Big Macs made of Filet Mignon. The burger might actually be wonderful, but it just wouldn’t "taste right" because it wasn’t what they expected. White Chalk isn’t Is This Desire? (one of my favorite records), but it’s great in its own right.

A lot of contemporary music grows tedious by the first minute – O.K., I get it, you want more, Britney – but White Chalk has been my constant soundtrack for the last week, and, despite being only about thirty-four minutes long, hasn’t palled a bit. There’s a minor key, folksy feel to it, from the acoustic instruments to the restrained, whispery sound of PJ’s matchless voice, the lyrics suggesting old murder ballads and overheard confessions. It’s autumnal, just right for this time of year, spooky and haunting, a suite of sepia toned chamber music in the key of regret, nostalgia and dread. The same way a whisper makes you listen more actively than a shout, the quiet complexity of White Chalk remains intriguing — there’s something to it, something that moves and engages, veiled rather than hid, making the whole profound and real in a world that so often prefers sameness and plastic pretension.

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Feral House, James Shelby Downard and the Poetry of Paranoia

First of all, I’d like to pay tribute to Adam Parfrey and Feral House, the "publishers of the forbidden." We sell several Feral House titles such as Death Scenes: A Homicide Detective’s Scrapbook, Lords of Chaos: The Bloody Rise of the Satanic Metal Underground and Ian Brady’s The Gates of Janus. The House of Parfrey seems to appreciate, as I do, the vitality of the mongrel mix of high and low culture, and the energy found at the margins, away from the vitiated mainstream of America, in such topics as Conspiracy Theory, Crime, Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll. Feral House publications, along with Parfrey’s latest venture, Process, also digs those legendary periods of freedom, hedonism and cosmic ambition like the sixties and Weimar Germany.

The seminal Feral House title is Apocalypse Culture, a collection of essays that attempt to find the few remaining things that can shock our numb, satiated society. One of its more memorable authors is the late James Shelby Downard, a conspiracy theorist of the most hysterical type, who was paradoxically able to muster an extremely lucid stream of facts. I’ve just read his "autobiography" The Carnivals of Life and Death: My Profane Youth, 1913-1935 and I have to say I enjoyed it very much.

Basically Downard’s narrative is a obsessively repeated trope with variations – from a very early age he encounters groups of people who, aided actively and/or passively by his parents, are determined to kill him in strange, dramatic, ritualistic and almost slapstick ways. His enemies are the Ku Klux Klan and the Freemasons, here not simply racist or fraternal organizations, but devious occult conspiracies bent on sacrificing him as a scapegoat for their sins. Fortunately, plucky James, even at a tender age, is able to wield a shotgun or even toss a lighted match and dispatch his frequently inept tormentors. There are recurring elements in the string of dream-like incidents, such as weird prophetic books with his name on them, sympathetic wild beasts, and doors and steps booby trapped with retractable spikes. Famous people like President Franklin D. Roosevelt also frequently appear as Downard finds himself in the middle of historic events. One of my favorite scenes is when Downard witnesses the Ku Klux Klan Great Wizard "Colonel" William Joseph Simmons fellate Alexander Graham Bell in the window of the Jekyll Island Hunt Club Hotel as both hold million dollar gold certificates.

Despite the repetitions, inconsistencies and lack of credibility of the tale, the book makes for absorbing reading. It actually reminded me of Jerzy Kosinski works like Cockpit, in which there’s no continuous story-line, conclusion or final explanation but a series of violent, highly charged incidents. My mind was drawn in, trying to impose meaning, but the pieces seemed to configure in an infinite number of ways, never settling into a fixed solution. I tried occasionally to see things objectively, to figure out what really happened from the point of view of the no doubt baffled librarians and policemen Downard baited, but in the end his vision was too strong and I could only learn again the great lesson of the 20th century (whose greatest theory was relativity after all) – the illusory nature of "objective reality."

Since making connections is one of the duties of an artist, the paranoid view is, in fact, one of the prime artistic strategies of our time, another expression of the imaginative impulse, a tweaking and saturation of our world, a bestowal of life or death meaning and order on a mundane world, an insistence of the centrality of the observer and thinker. Salvador Dali called his method the "paranoiac-critical," and said "the only difference between a madman and me is that I am not mad," meaning that he was able to see the world with the hysterical craftiness of a crazy person, yet also able to assess, edit and reconfigure his own vision critically as an educated craftsman. Downard, due to his erudition and intelligence is able to do the same, and shape what could be insane ramblings into an affecting experience.

Like all good works of art The Carnival of Life and Death made me see the world in a different way, and I started to wonder about and research the oddly named "Sargon Society," the secret society of my High School, which included only the most well established sions of the Pittsburgh elite, and whose activities were carefully hidden. I may just write about it here at a later date – if THEY don’t get me first.

YR PAL,

UBU

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Quote Bag: Hot Stuff

You’ve got to hand it to those pulp writers – maybe because they were just pounding this stuff out it comes directly from the id with a power and compelling force the contemporary mold you’d find in a bookshop named, say, Shaman Drum would never have.

These passages are from 1938’s "Arms of the Flame Goddess" by Francis James as found in that great collection Selected Tales of Grim and Grue From the Horror Pulps edited by Sheldon Jaffery.

For the fire seemed to take on the shapes of girls dancing, linked hand in hand! Slim nude shapes that swayed in spectral minuet. And now they seemed to be beckoning to me, luring, taunting with an invitation of Circe-like wantonness.

Foul, unclean things were whispering, I felt their snakey crawling across my brain. For I was aware of an amazing emotion, a longing to go there to those girls!

Against the awful blackness of the night, a figure was visible. It was that of a young girl, utterly nude save for a gauzy scarf around her slim loins. She was of a witching, Circe-like beauty. Her gaze fastened on me and I couldn’t withdraw my eyes. Her look held a pagan allure, knowledge of age-old power of things beyond words, of the stark and primitive instincts that call from woman to man.

She stepped back from the window so that her whole figure was visible. Her arms rose over her head. Her slender body taut and standing on tip-toe, she seemed ready to draw down the tide of white light to her bosom. Like a naiad of ethereal and inhuman beauty she stood there, quivering, breasts hardened and throbbing – a thing not of this world, thrilling to something born of the night and the moon’s radiance.

Her arms dropped. Lascivious ripplings passed through her, writhings of a cat in throes of desire. She lifted her breasts in her cupped hands, holding them toward us.

Of course, as is so often the case in pulps, all this seemingly supernatural stuff has a mundane

, "rational" explanation that strains credibility.

"And the girl who led the men into the woods to their deaths?" I said at last.

"She wass my little Ella, my niece who keeps house for me," the big Dutchman groaned. "I did not know it, I had no suspicions. The Leadbetter woman got her to do that, she must haf given her money – and drugs. Many times I haf seen her acting not herself and I haf wondered what iss wrong."

Should have known drugs were involved!

 

 

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(Waiting For) Heather (Part Two)

(Waiting For) Heather (Part Two)

Katie called and I just let her talk. She’d broken up with Bill again, so I was treated to yet another account of what a jerk he was, familiar words that would be conveniently forgotten when they got back together in a month or so. I waited until there was a slight pause well into the conversation to serve up my strained attempt at a casual question. So, hey, did Heather ever show up?

Heather? Oh, yeah, Heather’s here. I’ve got her in my car right now. She lowered the phone and there was a brief, unintelligible exchange punctuated by giggles. Are you going to be home later?

Home? Oh, yeah, I’ll be here all night.

Heh-heh.

She didn’t seem to be listening. Gotta go. See you later.

It wasn’t unreasonable then, was it, for me to think that they might be over that night? But what was unreasonable was that I was still waiting in my living room at midnight, jumping up to crane out the window every time headlights stabbed down my street, still hoping long after I knew that there was no way in the world they were coming.

Of course I should have known better than to expect Katie to arrive on schedule. The same Katie whose organizational skills and discipline had propelled her to the top of her law school class and made her the rising star of her law firm was often unable to meet the simplest of obligations to her friends. She was never less than fifteen minutes late for even the most carefully planned meeting and just as likely never to show up at all.

But there I was the next night and the next, popping up at the noise of a car or the ring of the telephone, and then dejectedly sitting down again. Katie had e-mailed me, apologizing and promising to bring Heather over "soon." I knew enough about her schedule to be fairly certain when to expect her and when not to, but my brain couldn’t seem to process the information, bound by nerves stretched tight as bowstrings, each second dripping down relentlessly. I felt like I was standing on ground zero, in the middle of something that hadn’t happened yet, the air around me charged and buzzing, filled with a strange clarity.

The other thing was that after I talked to Katie I realized that I missed her very much, too. After all, she and I had more than memories between us, an actual, if intermittent relationship, one that seemed to be on the verge of heating up again. I started remembering how good it could be between us, picturing all the things I’d tried to push out of my head when I knew she was with Bill.

They say the best way to condition rats is to reinforce them only occasionally – they’ll keep pushing that lever forever if something good comes out once in a while. That was part of Katie’s difficult charm. Just when you were about to give up on her she came through.

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