Crime in These United States

Actual crime reports from the files of UBUTEC presented to you as a public service!

A Bridgeport man is expected to be ticketed for animal cruelty after witnesses said he struck his harnessed duck with a leash while walking near the intersection of North University and State Street last Friday afternoon. Ann Arbor police say the man was walking with the duck and a small mixed collie that was pulling a chariot-like device. Police said they have no idea what the man, his dog and his duck were doing in Ann Arbor.

by shoplifter

An 11-inch long alligator reportedly was shoplifted Sunday afternoon from Denny’s Pet Shop, Washtenaw sheriffs’ deputies said today. The alligator, worth $75, was taken from the shop at 125 Ecorse Road in Ypsilanti Township. No further details were available.

Ann Arbor police are seeking an elderly man who poked the tip of his umbrella into the stomach of a younger man and yelled, "you are a flaming faggot." The younger man told police he replied, "yes, I am.," and the older man charged after him a second time. The 27-year-old victim told police he was "minding my own business" as he walked in the 300 block of South Fourth Avenue when the older male suddenly attacked him. The victim ran into Maude’s Restaurant for safety and was pursued by the older man. The older man left the scene. The younger man was not injured, police said.

A Britton man was punched in the mouth for no apparent reason early Wednesday morning while walking in the 300 block of Maynard Street. The victim told Ann Arbor police he and another man were walking along Maynard when a third man approached and asked, "What’s going on?" The victim replied, "Nothing." The attacker demanded, "What did you say?" and then slugged him before running off. The 17-year-old victim sustained a lacerated lip and his front teeth were damaged, police said.

Cat kills woman

A pet cat killed an 80-year-old woman from Chelmsford, England, when it jumped to greet her after being missing for a month, police said. Wednesday, Ann Edmunds, a widow, was in her garden Tuesday when the cat leaped on her, severing a vein in her leg, police said. Neighbors rushed to help as blood poured from the wound, but Edmunds lapsed into unconsciousness and died.

A quadriplegic used his mouth to pull a string attached to the trigger of a wheelchair-mounted gun, firing three shots that killed his wife of two weeks, police said Tuesday. Bertha Mae Burns, 37, placed the string in her husband’s mouth Monday night as they talked in a bar, witnesses told police. James Burns, 40, was arrested, and homicide detective A. J. Toepel said murder charges against him were pending. Burns had not been jailed, he said.

Witnesses said the couple was "talking in quiet tones," Toepel said. "She then got up and put a string in his mouth and he jerked his head back once and the gun went off. She said ‘You’ve shot me,’ and then he jerked his head back two more times and two more shots were fired, and she said ‘You’ve killed me,’ and then she collapsed to the floor," Toepel said.

He said a 9mm pistol had been mounted on a small board Burns had across his lap. A string ran around two small screws in the board, with one end running to the trigger and the other to his mouth. Burns has been using a wheelchair for nine years, after another woman to whom he was married shot him, severing his spine, said his mother Mae Donna Burns.

An altercation Wednesday in the lobby of the 15^th District Court at City Hall nmay lead to an assault and battery charge against an attorney. According to a city police report, the Ann Arbor Attorney, whose name was not released, approached an acquaintance in the lobby and asked him how he was feeling after his recent surgery. The acquaintance then asked after the health of the attorney’s mother and family. The attorney became enraged and shoved the acquaintance in the chest – in the area of his recent surgery – and yelled that his mother had died two years ago, the report stated. The man who was shoved then went to City Hall’s first floor and filed a complaint with police. He said he would seek his own medical treatment. Officers are investigating.

– A 19-year-old Waterford man found running naked on Terrell Street with chocolate pudding smeared over his body was arrested Saturday and taken to the Pontiac Osteopathic Hospital for detoxification, Waterford Township Police Officer John McLain said. The man reportedly told police he was high on acid and was on a mission of violence against the world.