I’ll tell you the "news" story that made me want to rant today — It was about Nicole Richie’s book signing for her new "novel." NICOLE RICHIE’S NOVEL! That’s all you really have to say. How can a talentless, ignorant dunderhead like her get her "novel" published when there are talents (such as the great UBU) who have studied, worked and meditated for YEARS to write novels (and UBU has written a great one) only to find that the heroic struggle of creating an earth shattering work is only prelude to a humiliating struggle to get ANYONE to read it, much less publish it! It’s considered quite kind of agents to deign to read a page and then make ignorant comments, and the fact is that they most often merely toss the mastepiece into the trash, return, stamped envelope or no. But NICOLE RICHIE who has often been used by this writer as the perfect example of a nonentity famous for being famous has a novel published merely by signing off on the work of a ghost writer. On her T.V. show she displayed only an appalling ignorance and a total lack of eloquence. She’s not even as pretty as any young woman you could find wandering your local mall, has no talent or skill of any kind and even more is quite obviously anorexic. Well, my friend by lionizing such vapid spirits we have taken our culture straight to the crapper — as evidenced by the total lack of quality in contemporary literature and art — even the popular arts like movies and pop music are utter garbage these days. I must go back out into the rain now, but you can be sure that this is one spirit this benighted age will never conquer. And if you really want to check out Nicole’s book just wait a few months — you’ll be able to get it off the remainder table for 99 cents — that is if you don’t find one flung in the garbage can or floating in the toilet!
Your pal,
UBU
A Leak In The Safe 
I lyblio the empty carpark — it is a genius!– Gauhar Bahadir, or Shemkent
zee bebe nipple lookit like electric guitar!!!!– Shemkent Gauhar