Christmas Spirit

The Spirit of Christmas

I totally believe in the spirit of Christmas – the only problem is that if there is a spirit of Christmas these days it’s an evil one. If you don’t believe me just go on down to your local Target today. Loving, Christmas spirit filled people will try to ram you with their cars, steal your parking space, and deliberately try to run you over as you’re walking – and all that’s just in the parking lot! Inside it’s no better. They’ll ram you with their carts, body check you for the crime of standing in the same aisle and cut in front of you in line, all with the most stressed out, hate filled expressions imaginable. I said "Merry Christmas" to everyone who was rude to me there and ended up saying it twenty times. Instead of a happy, loving time our culture has created another anxious, competitive gauntlet. A parent’s love is measured by their ability to find scarce items, and a spouses by their willingness to go into debt by splurging on useless ones. As usual in our materialistic society the only way we can express love is by spending money.

From a merchant’s perspective, it’s no better. When I was a mere clerk in a once great bookshop that has since chained itself to the dark side, we knew we’d be in for a month of backbreaking work, but also we knew it would end soon enough and (most of us) pitched in together and it was sort of exhilarating, if exhausting. Now that I’m higher up in the chain I see how anxiety producing it is for business as well as the consumer. Many businesses break even the rest of the year and absolutely rely on the Christmas season to make a profit. After Thanksgiving you expect, even need to be busy all the time, and if you’re not you’re tearing out your hair, which doesn’t make for great holiday cheer. That’s the reason the facile suggestions of ignorant pundits like, say, Susan Ager of the Detroit Free Press, who want us all to stop buying stuff and just give each other handwritten notes or handmade ass scratchers are so full of crap. I love it when someone like her rails against the commercialization of Christmas in the newspaper next to the full page holiday ads and full color inserts that pay her salary. Yeah, lets just call a halt to it and you can go back on unemployment like you deserve, Sue. That’s what’s great about what I do – being a merchant at street level gives me a much clearer view of reality that the college professors and newspaper writers who are so shameless in parading their pie in the sky opinions. I can’t let theory get in the way of practice – it’s not a question of interpretation, it’s a question of dollars, and I can tell you that if cultural commissars like Ager and the vegan bloggers out there had their way and the holiday madness stopped overnight there would be a Black Friday to rival that of 1929.

For me the answer is, well, a return to love. People are so scheduled and regimented these days that they seem to need to be reminded and culturally coerced to buy something for a loved one at a pre-approved date. I know it’ll never happen, but couldn’t we just spread the toxic concentration of it out a little and give presents when we find them? It’s all clustered around this "religious" holiday which has so little of the religious about it. I’m no Christian, but I’m in favor of any occasion that promotes peace and goodwill toward men, but those elements have disappeared from Christmas, the same way, judging from the policies of lying, killing and hatred promulgated by that great evangelical avatar George W. Bush, they’ve disappeared from Christianity. Ho ho ho.

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No

No it can’t be she

Who’s hardly here

Who never remembers

How can she be the one

Who remains forever

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Bethany: Part Eight

Bethany: Part Eight

Unlike the denizens of Archie comics, we at Pitt Prep didn’t have a Pop’s Chocklit Shop to go to. What we did have was Friendly’s, just another cookie cutter chain restaurant with laminated menus and other people’s cracker crumbs and straw wrappers littering the edges of the wet trail of an indifferently pushed rag to greet us when we slid into a booth. But in spite of the generic setting, it was conveniently located right up Fox Chapel Road, and many break ups, hook ups, blazing rows and tender reconciliations had occurred on the premises, all under the disapproving gaze of the senior citizens who filled the rest of the seats.

Since it was the conventional hang out, my crowd had never patronized Friendly’s, much preferring that weird little Mexican restaurant in Etna or that sinister Chinese cafeteria in Aspinwall, but after almost four years of dedicated non-conformity it was almost bolder of me to go ahead and do what the most kids did. I thought Bethany would be more comfortable in a familiar setting, and arranged to pick her up after her softball practice at school and take her here, to be seated amidst clumps of curious peers by an indifferent "hostess" who looked about thirteen. I’m sure it was no accident that Bethany’s friends Bets and Pam were there too, acknowledging Bethany with sham surprise, then returning to their giggles and surreptitious glances.

A table bursting with jocks was across from us, noisily engaged in blowing spitballs through straws, giving noogies, and otherwise showing their undying Spartan love for one another. Another jock and jockette faced us, going through the motions of a date much more glumly, sucking on their milkshakes and fingering their fries, occasionally shrugging to each other’s monosyllabic utterances. Even after practice Bethany was typically pulled together, immaculate but casual, without any of the baroque excesses some of her friends brought to the prep style. Her best feature, her long blond hair, was still wet under her headband, but managed to look good anyway, like the tousled mane of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model fresh from the surf.

That was where the similarity ended, however. Unlike, say, Bets, Bethany’s plain face was of a piece with the rest of her, her body being, even now in her teen years, distinctly lackluster, neither especially svelte nor generously endowed, healthy enough, but lacking the elasticity, the apparent ripeness that puts the bloom on the emerging rose, a situation that largely explained the fact that even though she was quite popular she had very few dates.

But part of my recent "enlightenment" was my understanding that I had to get beyond all that, to transcend the sterile beauty of Virginia and the indiscriminate sensuality of Heather to seek within a girl for her soul, her nobility of spirit, the very quality Bethany seemed to embody. I didn’t see her as my ultimate goal any more than she saw me as her own, but I knew that to reach the woman I aspired to I had to learn to appreciate the kind of inner beauty that I was lucky enough to have sitting in front of me, and set out trying to do so.

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Xenophon Kalantiano (God)

Xenophon Kalamatiano (God)

 

"The hope of transcendence is in the romantic re-creation of the self through submersion in the unconscious and the ungovernable."

– John Lahr

 

 

Neon the moon

Maenads in a trance

See Gorgo

Breaking up God

As advertized

Desiccated aunts

In Area 51

Cop a lamp at

Mr. Ramblin’ Dick Bone

The wad of the living God

The sound comes out

The sense you have to impose

A clarifying agent

That has a clear context

And is clearly from a great distance

 

Calling all creeps

Let’s get God out of his shell

Bring the voyeur on stage

Seek the entry of the invisible one

Feed him until he explodes

Pick up the schizophrenic hotline

The chandu can do the power effete

The flock parts

A much pleasanter sight

You’ve acquired

A distorted view

 

The American Rhododendron Society

Presents Bonnie Ion

Wisconsin Sunday

School Teacher

Kneeling in the basement

Pythian or Marian

We smoked God

She stove my senses

Primitive all knowing

She makes french faces

A very deep hole

A bitter distinction

As tall as a city bus

What is that blinking

A few pilgrims

A few Indians

Ready to go

Into the potting shed

 

"This day I am jetting the stuff of far more arrogant republics."

– Walt Whitman

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Quotebag: Found While Waiting and Bathing

Quotebag: Found While Waiting and Bathing

(Dedicated to "Rapid" Oil Change, the United States Postal Service and my bathtub)

 

 

So mirrors will take into themselves

The pure smiling image of girls

As they test the morning, alone –

Or under the gleam of devoted candles.

And into their faces, one by one,

Later, just a reflection falls.

– Ranier Maria Rilke

 

Venus slipped away the dressing gown, and rose before the mirror in a flutter of frilled things. She was adorably tall and slender. Her neck and shoulders were so wonderfully drawn, and the little malicious breasts were full of the irritation of loveliness that can never be entirely comprehended, or ever enjoyed to the utmost.

– Aubrey Beardsley

 

Botticelli’s line is never purely arabesque, but implies in itself the development of the space and the movement of the contained volumes. In this way his vision seizes upon the ideal limits of the time in which the action is supposed to take place and from this arises an impression in his representation of the image as of indefinite duration of the said action, and in this way reality becomes dream and history myth.

– Roberto Salvini

  

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Flesh Pulse

Flesh Pulse (Henry Stahl)

 

Her nude thrusting body

Bobbed into a back bend

                  at the end

That softened the plaster

                 on the ceiling

And at that moment

The police wagon

                 pulled up

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BULLY

O.K., I’ll admit it – instead of working on my ongoing essay or story I’ve been playing the video game Bully. Sorry, but it’s such a great game, probably my favorite of all time. What I like about it is exactly what the cultural puritans hate about it – it takes place not in a weird fantasy or sports world like most games, but in an exaggerated version of a place I know only too well, a prep school. While the average video player would like to be a knight with a big sword, a grizzly guy with a big gun, or a football player with big biceps, Bully answers a deeply held fantasy of mine, one that gamers are too young to have – to start again, to be young again knowing what I now know. Adolescence is the most charged time of our lives, one in which everything seems possible, when love or violence or almost anything can be around the corner, and Bully reflects this is in a clever, cartoonish way. There are many missions that you have to do to work your way through the game, and, thankfully for us with less than lightning reflexes, they’re interesting but not too hard, but there’s also a significant element of choice and ample opportunity to just walk around doing your thing. Despite the puritans’ disapproval (and you know they got no closer to the game than the title) there are moral decisions to be made – to protect nerds from bullies or to become a bully yourself, to stand up for yourself or try to appease and pay off the oppressor. I believe the bully/jock culture that cultivated such deadly fruit in Columbine cannot be effectively controlled by the school administrators that tacitly condone it as a way to keep the status quo but rather by fearless regular kids who refuse to accept it, and the creators of Bully seem to agree with me. You’re also free to express your love as well as your hate, to pick the girls you romance and kiss – and typically the prep queen is my favorite. Although my school didn’t have uniforms, the private girls schools in the area did, and I still get an erotic kick from the sight of a plaid skirt over knee socks. I’ve already pacified the bullies, preps and greasers and have just started on the jocks who, really, are the worst of all, with their athletic prowess and teamwork, but I have confidence that the nerds and I will prevail, and that maybe bag a cheerleader along the way. There’s really a kind of art in Bully, an open ended narrative that perhaps points the way to a new mode of expression. It’s clear the developers are no dummies – when the various factions are fighting over the greaser queen (and yes, I’ve snogged with her a time or two) she compares herself to Helen of Troy.

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A Mused (Part One)

A Mused (Pt. 1)

A dedicated reader knows the value of the right book at the right time – that’s my excuse, anyway, for amassing so many huge piles of them. Lately I’ve been binging on books about turn of the century Vienna, specifically those two peerless artists Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele. It’s a fascinating period and place, the trembling, decadent end of that unreal assemblage known as the Austro-Hungarian empire, and, I’m more and more convinced, one of the crucial nodal points of modernism.

I’ve been fascinated by the subject before, but what set me off this time was a little aside I found on a Christian conspiracy site (  http://watch.pair.com/virgo-antichrist.html ) while idly googling in which one Barbara Aho says of Klimt:

He was regarded as a true visionary artist, or one who portrays through art his personal visions of the "divine light" and out of body experiences of "union with the Mother Goddess," i.e. sexual intercourse with demons.

Of course Aho means this to be cautionary but to me it sounds more like tally ho!

Although unfortunately I haven’t found any more about sexual intercourse with demons, this siren call led me to The Naked Truth: Klimt, Schiele, Kokoschka and Other Scandals edited by Tobias Natter and Max Hollein, which is large, handsome book, the catalog to what have been a pretty fabulous exhibition, and a darn good peep into that wacky Viennese artistic milieu, although, in what today so sadly passes as art criticism, there are several essays in it that are typical feminist examinations of the role of women as object and subject and blah, blah, blah, and which have almost nothing to do with the artists that are the putative subjects of the book.

The whole scene is so interesting to me, with its emphasis on the primacy of the erotic (after all Freud, Schnitzler and Wedekind were part of the same Zeitgeist) and the artistic regeneration of the female nude, which passed from the bloodless allegorical depictions of the academic painters to the glorious personal symbolism and private imagery of Klimt (using the same insight that the Pre-Raphaelites discovered, that is, if you paint a historical or mythological subject as someone you know there will be an emotional resonance that is lacking in the mere portrayal of a type or model) to the shocking directness of Schiele, who didn’t even bother to veil his nudes with historical or fictional allusions – and all this nakedness was taking place in a very elaborately clothed society. Klimt’s nudes are haughty and otherworldly, exalted emblems of an ideal, if somewhat abstract, freedom, both artistic and sexual, while Schiele’s are more real, nakedly expressing the ambiguous guilt and danger (both psychic and, in that age of unchecked venereal disease, physical) inherent in erotic desire.

The feminists may brand these images as exploitative pornography, but they are much more than that. Klimt and Schiele’s nudes express their deepest spiritual aspirations, and are, among so many other things, a reflection of their artistic inspiration and mission as well – their muses if you will. So all this imagery of women, and, let’s face it, as Aho points out, supernatural women, made me dimly remember a book I’d found at the library sale, and which now lay buried in one of the dusty piles that surround my bed, and I somehow knew it was the one I had to read next.

It took me a minute to find it, mostly because I couldn’t quite remember the title or what it looked like. I did dig up a book called Evil by Design: The Creation and Marketing of the Femme Fatale by Elizabeth K. Menon which looks interesting and which I may yet read, but from the title alone you can tell it’s a feminist job – the research is impressive but the slant is oppressive. Besides, the femme fatale template wasn’t exactly appropriate. Yes, there is something supernatural, genus vampire, about the femme fatale, and the Klimt/Schiele woman can be predatory and threatening, but there’s more to her than that. One of the reasons I like the pagan gods so much is that they are multifaceted, with many manifestations, as mutable and inexplicable as the natural world that perhaps inspired them. Certainly even Jehovah, the winner of the god elimination contest, Mr. Unchanging Love Everywhere, was a very moody entity back when he just had an Old Testament.

Aphrodite is not only seductive and perfectly beautiful, but emotional and peevish as well. Demeter, the great all giving mother was just one of several aspects of an essence which encompassed Persephone, the innocent maiden, and Hecate, the malevolent crone. I’m very attracted to goddess worship, but unlike the smiley face new age crowd, I recognize that the goddess’s power can easily become cruel, and that these aspects frequently came to the fore in the ancient world as evidenced by the castration of Isis’s priests or the human sacrifice that Robert Graves suggests was the basis of the original goddess religion.

But there’s a positive glory there too, a kind not personified by the traditional femme fatale, which is the expression of just one facet of female sexuality, a facet particularly troubling to turn of the century man, but also a figure that makes an only too handy stick with which the feminist critic may belabor patriarchy. Klimt’s Judith is predatory and deadly, but very glorious, lovely and inspirational too – Klimt’s vision of the eternal feminine spirit manifesting itself in the person of a hot Viennese society lady. There’s that ambiguity in Schiele too – his nudes are exposed and vulnerable, but also disturbingly aware of the power of their own sexuality.

No, I wanted more than the stock femme fatale, and I finally found it, pretty much where I thought it would be, in the third pile from the left, a book called La Belle Dame Sans Merci and the Aesthetics of Romanticism by Barbara Fass, published by, of all places, Wayne State University Press. It’s from 1974, an underappreciated period in criticism, still fired by the energies of the sixties and not yet ossified into the political cant of today. (For example by 1995 Fass was writing a book with the subtitle "a narrative of folklore and gender.") And it was the right book, one that fiercely percolated my thinking, as will be evidenced by the next installment of this essay, which will hopefully appear in the not so distant future.

Try to hang on till then,

Yr Pal,

UBU

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Nordic Crime Wave

In our contuing effort to present a complete overview of the prose works of UBU we bring our devoted readers this rare and fascinating selection from the privately distributed publication "Aunt Agatha’s Opinionated Little Catalogue."

 

 

Scandinavian Crime Wave Bowls Over Mystery Readers!

 

Inspired by the international bestsellers of Henning Mankell, there’s been a Scandinavian Crime Wave lately, an explosion of writers from the colder climes. Their books are in the European tradition of Janwillem van de Wettering and Maj Sjowall/Per Wahloo, full of great writing & more cogitation & character development than gun play and violence. Warning: although very excellent and entertaining these books are far from "cozy" and not exactly uplifting – the characters tend to be at least mildly depressed & the crimes sordid – not enough sunlight I guess!

 

The Man Who Smiled

, Henning Mankell, The New Press, $24.95.

1994’s The Man Who Smiled, the fourth book in the Kurt Wallender series, inexplicably unavailable in this country, has finally been released and it finds Mankell in top form as Wallender, in the midst of a deep personal and professional crisis, finds himself drawn into the puzzling investigation of the murders of a father and son.

 Chronological listing of other titles:

 

Faceless Killers

, Vintage, $13.00

The Dogs of Riga

, Vintage, $13.00

The White Lioness, Vintage, $13.00 (a personal favorite)

Sidetracked

, Vintage, $14.00

The Fifth Woman

, Vintage, $13.00

One Step Behind

, Vintage, $13.00

Firewall, Vintage, $13.00

Before the Frost

, Vintage, $13.00

 

Jar City, Arnaldur Indridson, Picador, $14.00.

 

Retjavik, Iceland, is the unlikely setting for this international sensation and Gold Dagger award winning mystery. Inspector Erlendur investigates the murder of a seemingly harmless old man. Does a "cold" case in the past hold the clue to a much larger evil?

 He Who Fears the Wolf

, Karin Fossum, Harcourt, $14.00.

Norway’s entry by the popular Fossum features Chief Inspector Konrad Sejer, whose chief suspect in a brutal murder is taken hostage by a demented bank robber. His enquiry into the strange crime and even stranger criminals reveals the darkness behind the countryside’s bucolic facade.

 

Don’t Look Back

, Harcourt, $14.00

 

Detective Inspector Huss, Helene Tursten, Soho, $13.00.

 

One of the first and finest of the Scandinavian wave, Tursten’s book features Irene Huss, 40-something wife, mother, cop and judo expert, the face of modern Sweden, who must delve into the suspicious suicide of a real estate tycoon.

 

Sun Storm, Asa Larsson, Delacorte, $22.00. (Paperback edition available in Jan.

2007).

 

This remarkable psychological thriller won Sweden’s Best First Crime novel award, drawing comparisons to Ruth Rendell and Minette Walters. It features Rebecka Martinsson, a Stockholm Lawyer who finds herself drawn into the mystery surrounding the violent murder of the charismatic leader of a fundamentalist church.

 

Sun and Shadow

, Ake Edwardson, Penguin, $13.00.

Charismatic, moody Erik Winter is the youngest Chief Inspector in Sweden, a man consumed by the crimes he’s trying to solve. A bloody double murder on his doorstep is just the beginning for him on his latest case, in which he pursues an enigmatic serial killer through Gothenburg’s shadows.

 

In Matto’s Realm

, Fredrich Glauser, Bitter Lemon Press, $13.95.

 

Although he’s actually Swiss, the influential Glauser is a fitting forefather for the current Nordic crime writers. Written in the late 1930’s, Glauser’s books are golden age clever yet startlingly modern and have just been reprinted in the United States. In Matto’s Realm an old acquaintance pressures Sgt. Studer into examining the escape of a child murderer from an insane asylum in Bern. When the asylum’s director is found in the boiler room with a broken neck things get really crazy. The setting is familiar to Glauser, as he began his first Studer book Thumbprint while a patient in a similar institution.

 

Thumbprint

, Bitter Lemon Press, $13.95.

Fever

, Bitter Lemon Press, $14.95.

 

 
 
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Bethany:Part VII

Bethany, Part VIII

 

"Yeah, I mean, I can’t act the way I’ve acted and expect Pitt Prep to pat me on the back for it, can I? Why should the administration let me stand up there and say anything at graduation when I’ve spent the last four years telling them what lying, sleeze bag hypocrites they are – which is true by the way."

It’s hard for a dedicated ironist to get taken seriously, and Bethany cocked her head and narrowed her eyes, studying me for any evidence of an elaborate put on.

"Are you really serious? Because we’ve already asked Littleman Henry and it wouldn’t be fair to him to…"

"Hold it, Bethany, hold it!" I said, impulsively putting my hands on her shoulders. "Will you forget about the damn ode for a minute? You’re right, O.K.? I don’t care about it anymore, it’s not – that’s not what I want to talk to you about."

"All right," she said slowly, still digesting it. "What do you want to talk to me about, then?"

I suddenly felt self-conscious about touching her and dropped my hands, even though she, surprisingly enough, hadn’t flinched or stepped back.

"I just wanted to say – O.K., number one, I wanted to say I’m sorry for being a jerk to you back there and for the no doubt millions of times I’ve been a jerk to you before, and that I think it was really cool the way you stood up to me."

"Thank-you," she said warily.

"And second, well, when we were in there confronting each other and everything, I just had this snap, this realization – this insight that you’re a really admirable person, and I don’t know, just a damn (I’d been reading a lot of Hemingway), a damn fine girl."

"Really?" Contributing to my generally dismal reputation at Pitt Prep was my habit of being obnoxious to everyone in the school with the exception of certain very pretty girls like Heather and Virginia, and whatever else she was, Bethany was not considered a very pretty girl.

"Yes, really, and it was like suddenly I saw what a fine girl you are and how stupid I’ve been to antagonize you…"

For the first time since I’d known her, no nonsense, ultra-capable Bethany was apparently at a loss for words.

"…and also how stupid I’ve been not to get to know you any better, because I realized that I’d, uh, that I’d really like to."

"What? What are you trying to say, UBU?"

"What I’m trying to say is, that I’d like to spend some time with you, if you’ll let me, I guess."

"Spend some time with me…" I could almost see the honor student wheels turning in her head until things lined up in a more recognizable form. "UBU, are you asking me out on a date?"

"Sure, sure, Bethany, but it doesn’t have to be a date date, you know, I mean we could just go over to Friendly’s sometime and talk or whatever…" My initial moment of clarity seemed to be degenerating into babble. "Listen, I know it sounds kind of dumb, but while we in there it just like popped into my head wow, this is somebody I should get to know better, and I thought maybe if we got away from everybody there might be some way we could make that happen…."

Somehow things had become reversed and now I was the confused, defensive one as she stood there, set and sure – I’d been transformed from an enlightened soul in the midst of a great revelation into just another horny schoolboy begging for a date.

"All right," she said calmly. "That’s fine with me."

"All right? Really?"

"Yes, really, UBU. We can go out. On a date date if you like."

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