Headline Round up

 

Judges: Sheep sex doesn’t make man a sex offender

 

Police say vomit caused car crash

 

 

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Crime Beat: The Smoking Chicken of Ypsilanti

 

Smoking chicken brings firefighters

 

Several apartment residents were evacuated from their homes Sunday morning when another tenant left chicken cooking on the stove.

Ypsilanti firefighters said they were called to the 100 block of South Grove Road just before noon when someone saw smoke.

Firefighters forced their way into the apartment and took the chicken off the stove. No one was injured and no damage was reported.

 

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The Problem With Republicans

 

The idea that the government is the problem rather than the solution, which even today is bandied about by such intellectual heavyweights as Sarah Palin, has been around for a long time, but it really started to gain traction when embraced by Ronald Reagan. I suppose I wasn’t the only one exasperated by the paradox that the head of government would be anti-government, but this didn’t stop the concept from becoming an article of faith among Republicans. The usual national contempt for history caused the usual amnesia concerning the fact that an unregulated industrial and financial sector is the recipe for disaster, but the lessons of the great depression and the abuses of labor and the environment learned in the early twentieth century were scorned. When labor unions and Franklin Roosevelt are routinely derided as if they had never accomplished anything, it’s clear that a spectacular degree of wrongheadedness is being displayed.

Of course this reached its apogee in the most wrongheaded president of all time, George W. Bush, who proudly did away with every kind of federal regulation of business and industry possible (while tightening federal regulation of individuals), and where he couldn’t do away with oversight altogether, turned the reins over to the industries themselves. This certainly helped fill the coffers of the Republican Party as big business rushed to contribute to those who would ease the burden of acting responsibly, but the end result, as with almost everything Bush has done, was the present fiasco. Now all of sudden government IS the solution and a trillion dollars of taxpayer money is being poured into keeping the economy afloat. There’s no doubt in my mind that this is necessary, but if the government had acted properly in the first place it would not be, and the disaster wouldn’t have happened in the first place. If nothing else it’s much more cost effective to act diligently about the small things in a timely fashion, rather than waiting until the crap hits the fan. Global warming is another example of the Republican refusal to face facts and act in a timely manner before catastrophe forces a far grimmer and more costly response.

You could even saw the same thing about New Orleans and Katrina – a concerted effort to improve the levies and prepare for a disaster could have prevented one. During the Clinton years the out of power Republican right crafted a semi-coherent non-governing philosophy with talking points attractive to a semi-conscious electorate that brought them temporary political prosperity, but the unfortunate thing about a non-reality based program is that it tends to go Titanic when it collides with the iceberg of reality. None of the Republican’s ideas have worked, and their willful ignorance has taken the country under the waves with them. The most pathetic reflection on the American people is, of course, that John McCain, a man who is in large part in agreement with all these Republican principles and who has long been trumpeting the politically expedient clarion call of "deregulation" has, by smoke and mirrors, not to mention outright lies, managed to maintain his position as a credible presidential candidate. When I was younger and more callous I’d think it only right when an clueless electorate was tormented by the clueless candidate they’d chosen, but I’ve seem the devastation such "leaders" can produce and can only do what I can and hope that someone with an authentic vision like Barack Obama prevails in November.

 

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Waiting for Heather — Part Six

 

But in spite of all his gifts, there was something lacking in Harry, some essential flaw in his powers of judgement. He could figure out at a glance the way things worked and how all the pieces fit together, but he had a hard time deciding which parts were significant and which ones trivial. I suppose that’s why he knew so many people – if you’re not sure who you want to be friends with you’re better off trying to be friends with everybody.

Hard as it is to believe, I was even more opinionated back then than I am now, which is probably why Harry cultivated my friendship so assiduously and why, like everything he cultivated, it grew so quickly. Surrounded by the various intoxicants he made available but seldom indulged in himself, Harry picked my brain in the course of many a late night bull session, and I’d often hear some pithy pronouncement I’d delivered echoing from Harry’s mouth the next day in school, sometimes even spoken with my own habitual stutter.

Strangely enough it never bothered me – they were pretty good lines and a lot more people listened when he said them than when I did.

 

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Shinbone Alley

 
One of the reasons I didn’t post yesterday was that I’ve been dealing with a lot of vintage and semi-vintage paperbacks from several sources: I think this is my favorite cover:
 
shinbonealley
 
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Crime Beat: A Headline and Quote That Float My Boat

 

Disturbing headline of the week:

Fertilizer fumes used to hurt man

 

Disturbing quote of the week:

"Washtenaw is a hot county for wild pigs right now," said Kristine Brown of Michigan’s Department of Natural Resources.

 

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Bitter Pill

 

I’m not a songwriter BUT yesterday while I was walking to work this little ditty started running through my head called "Bitter Pill." It was a sort of Elvis Costello country ballad type thing and I worked out about three verses. I had to go to the library sale though so I only scrawled down my favorite part, and the rest is lost to history, you know, like what happened to "Kubla Khan" when that guy knocked on Coleridge’s door to ask for directions. But in this case it’s probably for the best — I thought it was a pretty original idea, but in googling "bitter pill lyrics" I discovered that such musical giants as Dashboard Confessional, Warrant, Billy Idol and even Motley Crue had come up with songs of the same title. Great minds think alike I guess. At any rate for what it’s worth here’s my fragment:

 

There are pills of every color

Red and blue and green

They got circles and squares

And every shape in between

I eat ‘em by the handful

They never hurt me never will

Because I’ve already swallowed

Life’s most bitter pill

 

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From the Quote Bag: Negotium Perambulans

 

I guess I’ll just empty out the old quote bag again, starting with some bits of Cults That Kill that I missed when rolling my last little number:

 

Upper torso, below base of neck, "Satan" printed w/orange lipstick. Middle of torso (chest), "I’M COME HOME MASTER" [sic] printed with ballpoint pen. Middle lung area, the numbers "666" printed with orange lipstick. Left ribcage area, "SATAN" printed with orange lipstick. Front of right leg and ankle, "I love Satan" w/ballpoint pen. Buttock area, vertical line and, crosswise across top of buttocks, a horizontal line at the bottom of the vertical line. These lines have the appearance of an upside down cross when viewed from top to bottom; this was done w/pink lipstick. Inside of left thigh, "LUCIFER," printed w/orange lipstick.

I remember one kid we picked up for dope had a big inverted cross on the back of his jacket. Above that he had an inverted pentagram, and below the cross he had "666." Not only that, but he had calling cards with all these symbols on it and the type of sex he would perform. It just blew my mind.

THIS DEPARTMENT IS CURRENTLY CONDUCTING INVESTIGATIONS INTO SATANIC CULTS WHICH MAY BE INVOLVED IN ANIMAL MUTILATIONS AND RITUALISTIC HOMICIDES OF HUMAN BEINGS, WHEREIN INTERNAL ORGANS ARE REMOVED FROM THE VICTIMS AND USED IN CHURCH BAPTISMS AND RITUALS.

More importantly, they confirmed for themselves something many of them still didn’t believe or want to believe. Bizarre crimes, related to ancient occult teachings, actually were taking place in the twentieth century.

– Larry Kahaner

 

For every time he seemed to have gone farther along a path of secret knowledge toward some evil shrine where complete initiation awaited him.

– E. F. Benson

 

He seeks to cure the malady of the soul through the medium of his senses with hallucinogenic results.

There is a strange penumbral landscape where truths can exist and not exist, where they can be at once buried in the shadow lands of the mind, and yet illuminated by the light of rationality.

– Neil McKenna

 

What’s bothering her is the fact that she has a better rapport with a goofy teenager than with any of her peers. Actually, she is more bothered by the fact that she thinks her peers are a bunch of insufferable jerks.

– Theresa Schwegel

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Crime Beat: The Ypsilanti Welcome Wagon

 

A man who showed up at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital with a gunshot wound to the shoulder said he was injured early Sunday when someone at a large party yelled, "Welcome to Ypsilanti," and fired a gun.

 

 

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2008 Kerrytown BookFest

 

Well, we did it again, but there was no oops about it, just a lot of hard work by a lot of people. When I woke up on Sunday at 6:30 and heard the rain, I got an instant headache. The Kerrytown BookFest is a mighty, mighty creature, but like the wicked witch it has one weakness – water. Even though we have tents and roofed vendor areas a little liquid sunshine is pretty much of a deal breaker for attendance. Various people placated the gods in their own fashion (let me tell you, it’s hard to find a virgin in Ann Arbor to sacrifice at that hour) and lo and behold at about 10:30 the skies cleared and once I saw the sun I knew everything was going to be copasetic.

Attendance was up, the author panels and demonstrations were jammed, the vendors were making money and just about everyone was walking around with a smile, digging the groovy booklovin’ vibe. I guess it really is the Ann Arbor News’s loss if they treat the fab Fest like a red headed stepchild. They had a little article the week before and an anemic photo essay on Monday, but tell me the pictures by our official photographer GREGORY D. ANTHONY won’t be a jillion times better. The front page cultural event of Sunday? The bike race which was said to have "several hundred" spectators. Even if that were true – there were maybe twenty when I saw the start while on a coffee run (as well as the WORST mangling of our national anthem since Roseanne Barr) – it seems to me that an event that had almost FIVE THOUSAND attendees might merit a tad more ink. The other Ann Arbor Book Festival got a week of gushing build up raves from the Ann Arbor News before their event as well as a glowing front page postmortem with fantastic attendance figures, but all I know is that they are going to seriously downsize next year while we are expanding, with bigger tents, more exhibitors and more books.

There were so many good moments and so much help from good friends that I can’t name them all. I’m usually not a big fan of the Boy Scouts, but I have to tell you that I saw them in a different light while they were so assiduously and efficiently helping us set up (and most importantly) tear down. Tearing down is like sprinting uphill at the end of a marathon, and the first few scouts I saw at five p.m. were tiny lads, but I breathed a sigh of relief when their brawnier cohorts showed up. Hail to thee SCOUTS and SCOUT MASTERS! Even though I’m older, I’m only half as sore as I was at this time last year.

Authors are at worst interesting people, and at best as personable as the ones who were on the book panels at the Fest. Although I really enjoyed every writer I talked to, I admit having a bit of a crush on the Noir Ladies, MEGAN ABBOTT and THERESA SCHWEGEL. I guess I just have a thing for beautiful women who are incredibly cool, intelligent and write brilliantly wonderful books. Weird, huh?

The only downside is wondering how we are going to top the 2008 Kerrytown BookFest, but knowing the board that so brilliantly guides its destiny, I can only say that only a chump will miss 2009’s edition.

 

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