A Leak In The Safe

Just so they don’t kick me out of Ann Arbor I’ll preface by saying I did spend a month watching all the Oscar movies and was turned on by a lot of excellent flicks like The Wrestler, but come February Hollywood serves up different fare.

But I like horror movies, and nowadays that includes or almost even largely means slasher movies. I mean look around you at Halloween – there are as many Freddies, Jasons, and Scream dudes as there are ghosts and witches. (I do draw the line at "torture porn" like the Saw series). Recently my son and I took in a few modern horror movies and you, lucky reader, are soon to hear what I thought of them.

The first one we saw was My Bloody Valentine 3-D. I do love the latest 3-D process. I first got a glimpse of it at Disney World a few years ago and it really is jaw dropping. From the first projectile eye-ball the movie makes full use of the possibilities it affords the genre, from projectiles aimed at the audience to various gore fragments showering over their heads. Rather than the occasional special effect of the old days, the new effect is constant, and, even when there’s nothing obvious hurtling out of the screen, brings out a deep focus and hyper-reality that serves even the quieter moments, and, indeed, would be a worthy tool in the hands of a gifted, "serious" film maker more interested in atmosphere than spectacle.

My Bloody Valentine also followed the conventions of the continuing slasher genre in also taking advantage of new advances in special effects. The killings were gorier and more gruesomely inventive than ever before. A little gratuitous nudity is also a traditional feature and the movie gets it out of the way in an almost parodic way in one of the most extended non-sexual nude scenes I’ve ever seen. Also true to form the killer, although possibly supernatural, was not, and there was a mystery element in play, with a bunch of suspects and a fairly neat twist at the end. Although lacking in originality or outstanding acting, My Bloody Valentine 3-D proved a worthy addition to the field and a great reason to spend a little time eating popcorn. Because of the glasses, there is a price surcharge, but it also defeats the usual midmovie multiplex movie crashers who can only see a blurred screen without them. I’d give it three out of four stars for a solid effort.

The Asian horror movie wave has revitalized American horror, directing it in more subtle and supernatural directions. The Ring was a great chiller that grew from eastern roots and The Uninvited is another. Unhurried and atmospheric, it’s brilliantly constructed, written, and acted and has a twist for the ages. I loved this movie and was genuinely terrified during it. It tweaks the conventions of both ghost and slasher movies and gains momentum as it rocks to that kick ass end. I even rented the original Korean version A Tale of Two Sisters from the fabulous Liberty Street Video , but, like the original Ring, found it inferior to the domestic product. The Uninvited even got the grudgingly good reviews the mainstream media grants horror movies and it deserves to be a honking big hit, which it evidently is not. A lovin’ four stars from UBU for this one.

And what is a honking big hit? Why Friday the 13^th of course, and it’s by far the worst of the lot. Witless, indifferently acted and directed, it doesn’t even play the gross out game. The actual killings are not much beyond eighties quality and there’s a surprisingly low body count. I guess topless waterskiing is a new twist but even the gratuitous nudity is kind of icky, along with a puzzling obsession with marijuana and masturbation. There are very few black humor chuckles or whoa visceral reactions, and no real plot twists, remaining totally predictable to the end. In the final accounting, all it really has going for it is the iconic sight of Jason strapping on that Hockey mask and lifting his machete. It’s sort of like famous brand fast food – people don’t really go there for good eats, but because they know what they’re getting. A star and a half at best.

And that’s it for UBU at the movies, the main conclusion being that you better hustle and see The Uninvited before it disappears, because fear comes out best in a darkened theater full of strangers….