Two hardhitting jokes:
(this one really should be spoken:)
Two pieces of string are outside a bar. On the door of the bar is a sign saying NO STRING ALLOWED. But the first piece of string goes in anyway and says to the bartender "Gimme a beer." The bartender says "Are you a piece of string?" And the piece of string says yes and the bartender tells him to leave. So the first piece of string comes out and tells the other piece what happened. So the second pieces of string rolls around, unravels himself and ties himself up, then goes into the bar and tells the bartender he wants a beer. The bartender says "Are you a piece of string?" and he says "No, I’m a frayed knot!"
(pause for unrestrained laughter)
(my son told me this one)
Why is a pirate like a pimp?
Because they’re both always looking for booty and they both say "Yo, Ho!"
and here’s a super bonus third joke:
Rex Grossman
A Leak In The Safe 