Petition

I’m asked by a young couple, members of the current smart set, to drop by their flat for drinks. It seems a little odd – I know and like them, but we don’t really socialize. I’m fairly certain they’re not going to assassinate me, but other than that I have no idea what they want, and, out of curiosity, accept.

They’re extremely pleasant and ply me with red wine and caviar until we’re all quite merry indeed. Finally the woman says I have a surprise for you. There’s someone upstairs who would very much like to see you. They look up expectantly, and down the spiral staircase, making a dramatic entrance as usual, comes Heather.

Heather! We kiss on both cheeks and drink a toast as now the vodka comes out. She’s older obviously, but still dresses like a young woman in tight clothes and a short skirt. There are uncomfortable bulges here and there to betray her, which are on one hand a little sad but on the other I find these small outbreaks of flesh somehow very erotic. My hosts, great friends of Heather’s, discretely excuse themselves and immediately I realize that I’ve been set up.

After a little reminiscing she begins her pitch – she’d like me to use my influence at court to make sure that her husband gets a contract to supply food to the army. He’s a blockhead, but no more so than his competitors, and marginally more honest than most. Usually when I’m petitioned I take whatever’s offered and then forget about the whole thing, but in this case I decide to actually try and help her and tell her candidly that I am fairly sure I can make it happen. I even consider being totally magnanimous and sparing her the necessity of sacrificing her honor, but she offers herself so willingly and, let’s face it, there are few of us that have much honor left anyway.

Once I touch her, of course, there’s no question…

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Crime Beat: For Religious Reasons

I’d like to meet the Sherlock who can piece together these clues!

Police probe death of woman in dry ice

NEWPORT BEACH, CALIF. – A man who was found with a woman’s body packed in dry ice in his hotel room told a newspaper that her death may have been in some way connected to religion.

"Everything that happened was for religious reasons," Stephen David Royds told The Orange County Register on Sunday.

Royds spoke to the newspaper in a brief interview from jail.

Detectives found the body of Monique Felicia Trepp, 33, fully clothed inside a large Rubbermaid container late Thursday after arresting Royds at the Fairmont Newport Beach for investigation of selling and possessing cocaine, police Sgt. Evan Sailor said.

An autopsy of Trepp was inconclusive but her death did not appear to be a homicide. Authorities were awaiting a toxicology report to determine the cause of death.

Along with Trepp’s body, police found porch swings, toy night-vision goggles and large sake bottles with lamp sockets stuffed into their spouts in the room of Stephen David Royds.

Royds, 46, was booked Saturday afternoon at Orange County Jail in Santa Ana, where he was denied bail because of a possible probation violation, authorities said.

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Mitch the Bitch: Decoding Albom

I guess everybody knows who Mitch Albom is. People around here, however, still remember him as a sportswriter for the Free Press, and in fact he still acts in that capacity from times to time, as well as contributing an occasional column on general subjects. Over time I’ve learned the secret to understanding a Mitch Albom piece – it’s really rather easy – no matter what the nominal topic, the real subject is Mitch Albom.

Take his thoughts on this year’s Oscars. Basically he bewailed the glut of gloomy, pessimistic films about unpleasant people, like No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood. Why, he wonders, does the wrongheaded Academy and those silly critics gush over such things instead of supporting a life affirming movie like, say, The Bucket List. THE BUCKET LIST! Is Mitch really proposing that that universally panned, commercially disappointing piece of drivel receive the industry’s highest honor for artistic achievement? Does he really want to go back to the sixties when shallow acting performances like Julie Andrews’s in Mary Poppins and Rex Harrison’s in My Fair Lady could win Oscars in the same year? When a piece of unwatchable, rancid cornpone like Oliver! could win best picture and 2001: A Space Odyssey not even be nominated? No, Bucket List is just a stalking horse for Mitch, and a rather unridable nag at that. To decipher the real meaning of his argument, one merely needs to remember that Mitch himself has achieved fame and fortune by being the purveyor of similar shamelessly sentimental claptrap, and the plaintive whine of what about me? can be clearly heard. His mega-bestseller Tuesdays With Morrie became a television movie called Oprah Winfrey Presents: Tuesdays With Morrie, and subsequent tomes yielded The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Oprah Winfrey Presents: Mitch Albom’s For One More Day. Clearly Mitch is a little perturbed that the cinema adapted from his work hasn’t broken out of the made for T.V. ghetto and, even if it did, would be shark bait for the critics. Why should Cormac McCarthy have all the fun? But in a world where The Bucket List can win an Oscar, Mitch could easily cop a lifetime achievement award just for the dreck he’s already come up with. In reality Bucket List really has nothing to do with it – it’s all about Mitch not getting the attention he thinks he deserves.

Then there’s this Sunday’s column. To those without the key it’s a real head scratcher. Mitch takes the You Tube culture to task, condemning people for being judged by brief film clips, you know, like the one of a soldier throwing a dog off a cliff or a woman repeatedly squirting and verbally abusing her daughter at a car wash. Why, he asks, do people make such a big deal out of these tiny snippets when they’re out of context, just a tiny part of someone’s larger life? This is an extremely tenuous argument. I don’t care if you’re Mother Teresa, throwing dogs off cliffs and tormenting your daughter are still wrong, and not too many people would disagree. Does Mitch really think that under certain circumstances child abuse and recreational killing of dogs is O.K.? He fulminates against the brevity of the clips, the rush to judgement, the lack of background, as if the fact that they were being filmed was really to blame. The acts themselves are clear, however, and no amount of explanation can excuse them.

Obviously defending these people is a very weird position for a champion of sappy goo like Mitch to take. It takes a little bit of inside information to figure out how this one is really about Mitch, too. The theme of Tuesdays With Morrie was how Mitch, a self-absorbed, career driven jerk, was transformed by his encounter with the saintly, dying Morrie into becoming a sensitive mench who learned to stop and smell the roses and cherish mankind. Morrie may have been all that, but people who know Mitch, or have even seen him in action know that he remains an extremely ambitious ego maniac, a man who, once the microphone is off, transforms into a screaming prima donna who regularly abuses those that he works with or has any power over. Imagine what would happen to his gentle, wise, ultra decent persona if scenes, which more than one person I know have been witness to, of Mitch extremely profanely bitching someone out were to hit the internet? I’m sure he saw that clip of ESPN’s Chris Berman going off on the underlings and blanched, and he has a lot more to lose than Boomer. Mitch’s facade of spirituality, even his friendship with Oprah would be at stake, not to mention the literary franchise he’s developed around sentimentally exploiting dead people. In this light it’s clear the column is a preemptive strike against such material emerging. When he says Is the world a better place when the worst of us can be viewed on a regular basis? he doesn’t really mean "us." As usual, in Albom land it’s all about Mitch.

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History of Mystery: Gallows Literature

 

People like to argue as to when crime fiction first started. To me the mystery is not a fairly recent off shoot of "real" literature, but a mighty redwood in and of itself, and one whose roots anchor it at the very beginning of the popular literature and the English novel. Public executions were very popular and frequent in early modern England, and one of the first viable commercial uses for the printing press was the publication of broadsides now known as gallows literature, which were sensational eyewitness accounts of the hanging and the confession the criminal made on the scaffold. As early as 1563 these single sheets were being printed and distributed either at or soon after the execution.

Obviously timeliness was a factor – with so many executions, the hot villain of today could quickly become passe. It wasn’t always so easy to get a criminal’s confession either, so, naturally enough, printers began to fabricate them. This could cause some problems, as in the case of one Mrs. Windsor, a "baby farmer" accused of the barbarous murder of Mary Jane Harris’s child. A baby farmer was a woman who would look after another’s infant, in many cases an illegitimate one, so that the mother could continue earning her livelihood, often as a prostitute or maid. As the broadside says, Mrs. Windsor had a stern means of foreclosure when the payment stopped coming in:

Those children belong to some poor girl

That had been led astray

Mrs. Windsor would take them to nurse

As long as they would pay.

She would murder them – yes, strangle them

For this paltry gain,

By putting them between beds

Or pressing the jugular vein.

In its description of the execution itself the broadside goes on to say that "when culprit and hangman stood side by side a fearful yell rose from the assembled crowd, and the excitement only ceased when the culprit, who struggled but little, ceased to exist." The only problem with this graphic account is that Mrs. Windsor was granted mercy and sentenced to penal servitude, which makes it clear that a very powerful fictive imagination was at work here.

Another way crime fiction masquerading as fact was promulgate was in the chapbook, bound, folded sheets which allowed the account to be somewhat more extensive, as in the eight page one entitled The History of John Gregg and his Family of Robbers and murderers. As Ian Maxted describes it, the book:

…reports how the Gregg family took up their abode in a cave near Clovelly on the north coast of Devon where they lived twenty-five years without visiting any town or city. During this time they robbed above one thousand persons, and ate the corpses of all those whom they robbed. They were eventually discovered and the king himself came with 400 men to hunt them out. Their cave was discovered containing "such a multitude of arms, legs, thighs, hands and feet, of men, women and children hung up in rows, like dry’d beef and a great many lying in pickle." John’s charming family, consisting of his wife, eight sons, six daughters, eighteen grand-sons and fourteen grand-daughters begotten by incest were taken to Exeter and next day conducted under a strong guard to Plymouth where they were executed without trial.

It this weren’t self evidently a complete fabrication, it’s also suspiciously similar to another chapbook called The Legend of Sawney Beane: A General, True History of the Lives and Actions of the Most Famous Highwayman by Captain Charles Johnson. It certainly strengthens my argument as to the deep roots of crime fiction to disclose that Captain Charles Johnson was a pseudonym for Daniel Defoe, the author of Robinson Crusoe, a man generally considered the first English novelist. One his most notable (and enjoyable) works is Moll Flanders, the alleged confessions of a woman of the demimonde who lived by her wits in the early eighteenth century. Henry Fielding, the first English novelist who admitted he wrote fiction also produced a faux confession called The Life and Death of Jonathan Wild, the Great Infamous Highwayman.

Kind of makes you laugh when you hear the swells say that crime fiction is a new genre that has nothing to do with the "real literature," don’t it?

YR PAL,

UBU

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Caleb Williams by William Godwin: Proto Noir

While I was polishing up the old History of Mystery lecture – and we killed in Canton last night, thank you very much – I ran across a book I’d left out of the precursor group, a great read called Caleb Williams by William Godwin from 1794. It has one of the great feel good beginnings of all time:

My life has for several years been a theater of calamity. I have been a mark for the vigilance of tyranny, and I could not escape. My fairest prospects have been blasted. My enemy has shown himself inaccessible to entreaties and untired in persecution. My fame, as well as my happiness, has become his victim. Everyone, as far as my story has been known, has refused to assist me in my distress.

What follows is basically a fugitive story – a poor man becomes the secretary of a rich man, and through dogged detection discovers his boss was involved in a murder than he pinned on a local. But instead of leading to justice, this knowledge leads to even greater injustice, and the poor guy is framed too, and relentlessly hounded. Godwin was an anarchist and political thinker (not to mention Mary Shelley’s dad), and John Cousin’s Biographical Dictionary of English Literature from 1938 says “many of his views were peculiar and extreme, and even tended, if carried out in practice to subvert morality: but they were propounded and supported by their author with a whole hearted belief in their efficacy for the regeneration of society.” Caleb Williams is meant to illustrate Godwin’s view of the golden rule, i.e., that them that has the gold make the rules. The traditional golden age mystery ends when the bad guy is discovered, but this one only begins there, and the forces of authority are seen as at best only neutral, if not hostile, toward justice. It’s a fascinating point of view, one that wouldn’t be expressed again for about a hundred and forty years with the birth of that funky thang we now call noir.

He also wrote another book that’s worth it for the title alone: Lives of the Necromancers!

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Sideshow Bill: Bye Bye Buckley

Thanks to the recent death of William F. Buckley, we’ve been treated to a number of panegyrics from George Will and others who’d like to assume the moth eaten mantel of chief conservative highbrow, all of them informing us of what a saintly, wonderful, brilliant hierophant he was, and how he’s had a monumental and entirely beneficial influence on American political and cultural life. And although old Billy himself would likely intone some thing along the lines of nil nisi bonum (speak nothing but good of the dead), I beg to differ.

First of all, in light of the fact that the entirely disastrous Bush regime is the first and only American administration operated entirely under the influence of conservative thought (somewhere along the line the compassionate part got lost), it’s pretty hard to demonstrate the brilliant superiority of conservative philosophy, and that that philosophy hasn’t been completely discredited has more to do with its appeal to the America’s baser instincts than its logical ones. Buckley laid the "intellectual" framework and trained the propagandists for the takeover of the government by the right wing and guess what – they flopped. In the end Buckley was just Rush Limbaugh with a snooty accent. I guess Goldwater wasn’t right after all.

I have no first hand knowledge of his personality, but the image I will always carry of Buckley is Jack Kerouac’s appearance on Firing Line. Jack was a pretty vulnerable character by then, his best work far behind him, and he was basically reduced to a walking nerve drinking himself to death. The ironic thing is that at that point he too was a conservative, and one that revered Buckley, who displayed his deep, often trumpeted Christian piety by merciless lampooning the defenseless writer. Buckley’s arched eyebrow, frequent sneers and snide asides to the audience make for a pretty demonstration of his sterling, chivalric upper class values. Of course the fact that people will be reading On the Road long after bully Buckley is forgotten suggests that the condescension should more justly have been flowing in the other direction, but Jack wasn’t like that. But then, had he been a contemporary, Buckley wouldn’t have been a very good host to Walt Whitman either.

And take a close look at Buckley on television, crabbed and contorted, with his cocked head and affected stammer, as if some degenerative muscular disease were tying him up in knots. The kid who had the guts to call the Emperor naked would take one look at him ask Mommy, what the matter with that man? You don’t have to be Freud to see that that rictus grin, those abrupt mannerisms and strange tics betray some deep psychological unease. Wilhelm Reich, another guy at whom Buckley would chortle dismissively, would see in it the bad sex that goes hand in hand with bad politics, and that seemingly far out diagnosis seems a little more plausible if you look at Buckley’s fiction.

Oh, yes, renaissance man Billy managed to toss off some spy novels. Tossing off might be the operative phrase, because there’s nothing like a pulpy spy tome to expose the fantasies of the writer, James Bond being the obvious example. The Blackford Oakes books could most generously be called mediocre — clunky, graceless things seemingly designed solely to exhibit the clearly superior yet becomingly humble nature of the Buckley like protagonist, who is "undeniably attractive" and filled with "innate sauciness." For me the most revealing (so to speak) passage in the first book Saving the Queen is the sex scene, where Oakes beds the only person who could possibly be his social equal, the Queen of England (and please, Mr, Microsoft censor, remember that the following was carefully crafted by a blue blooded American intellectual and pillar of polite society) :

He rose, extended his hand, and brought her silently into the bedroom. She pulled away the covers, dropped her yellow gown, and lay on her back as with her left hand she turned off the bed light. The flames from the fireplace lit her body with a faint, flickering glow. She arched back her neck and pointed her firm breasts up at the ceiling, and he was on her, kissing her softly, saying nothing. Her thighs began to heave, and she said in a whisper, "Now." He entered her smoothly, and suddenly a wild but irresistible thought struck him, fusing pleasure and elation – and satisfaction. He moved in deeply, and came back, and whispered to her, teasingly, tenderly, "One."

And a second,

And third,

Fourth,

Fifth,

Sixth – her excitement was now explicit, demanding, but he exercised superhuman restraint –

Seven…

Eight – she was moaning now with pain –

And, triumphantly, nine!

And they collapsed into each other’s arms in silence, with animated sobs coming from deep in Caroline’s throat. Blackford drew out, and in a voice kind, but gently stern and mocking, he whispered to her:

"Courtesy of the United States, ma’am.

Talk about a sixty minute man! I’ll give you second to recover after you fall to the floor laughing. It’s hard to know where to begin with this. You’ve got to love Buckley’s idea of foreplay, as well as his terming "superhuman restraint" a performance that is just this side of premature ejaculation. If this is his idea of what it takes for a woman to achieve sexual satisfaction, his wife, the famously classy Pat, must have been a deeply frustrated woman. She probably faked those "animated sobs" just because she wanted him to shut up, and we should all be grateful that he finally has.

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Quote Bag: Reparation

 

The function of man differs from that of other physical beings, for it is the reparation of the disorders in the universe.

– Louis Claude de Saint-Martin

 

But the art of pure contemplation, of creative metaphysics, is difficult, requiring earnest, unremitting thought and strict self-discipline, and the reward will not be the applause of his trouble-shunning contemporaries, but only the joy of knowing and being awake, a closer contact with the universe.

It is fitting that the artist should set activity uppermost, for his essence is to act and create with knowledge and will, and his art is ability to use his instrument for every purpose, to reproduce the world in his own way; therefore the principle of his world is activity and his world is his art.

– Novalis

 

But although Novalis was sexually active, he also felt a need to repress his urges. Erotic fantasies and daydreams obsessed him, and he often sought the company of sexually unattainable women in order to mitigate these desires.

It may be reading too much into a perhaps harmless infatuation, but Sophie seems in many ways a figure of pure sehnsucht: an ideal beauty, who remained, at least for the present, untouchable. Between pure sexual fantasy and the reality of actual sex, she shimmered like a promising dawn.

– Gary Lachman

 

The unconscious is largely identical with the mental love fantasies in our present and past life. Since the terms "unconscious" and "erotic" according to psychoanalysis are almost synonymous, any serious study of literature which is concerned with the unconscious must deal impartially with eroticism.

– Albert Mordell

 

It was late in the evening, a time when the teen-age penchant for melodrama tends to be in full flower.

– Calvin Trillin

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Fave Rave: Ellroy, Nunn and O’Connell

 

People are always asking me who my favorite writer is. I usually tell them something safe like Josephine Tey, Raymond Chandler or James Lee Burke. And I do love those writers and think them great, but they’re just not my absolute favorites. No, I don’t tell the truth because, to paraphrase Jack Nicholson, most people can’t handle the truth. They don’t really care what I like, they’re trying to find something that they will like, and as a dedicated book clerk I have to leave my ego behind (and believe me there’s nothing like working retail to rid you of that pesky ego) and guide them to something that will bring them reading pleasure, even if it’s something I’d never read myself.

Sometimes I go out on a limb and say what I really think – that James Ellroy is the world’s greatest living writer. That usually leaves them pop eyed. He’s pretty strong stuff and not for everybody, but noone in American lit since the Beats has been as relentlessly experimental and audacious. Ellroy’s the only one who seems to be able to channel the old pulpy noir spirit of Goodis and Thompson without seeming mannered. I’ve met him a couple of times and he’s one of the few people I’ve encountered whose mere presence seems to short circuit the mighty UBU brain. Unfortunately, despite all the books he claimed five years ago were about to come out in quick succession, his return to LA seems, like so many other writers, to have enervated him and he’s only published collections of his GQ columns since then, and although there’s the rumor of another novel to be published in 2008, there’s no publication date. Hopefully the success of the movie of LA Confidential won’t mark the highwater mark of his career. Maybe he should move back to Kansas City.

While the stares I get when I mention Ellroy may be horrified, at least they’re not blank. I also number Kem Nunn among my very favorite writers, but the few customers I have who are familiar with him have read him only because I’ve judged them hip enough to hand them one of his books. Either you don’t get Nunn or you become a fanatic. I consider it the highpoint of my admittedly pathetic literary career to have a quote from a review I wrote in the Agenda used as a blurb (the eighth one, true, but at least I’m above the guy from GQ) for Nunn’s masterpiece The Dogs of Winter. For a moment Nunn’s fortunes appeared to be rising above cult status, but the HBO series he collaborated on, John From Cincinnati, wiped out quickly. He never responded to the mash note I wrote him (the only guy whose ever gotten one, thank you) with my enclosed review when Dogs was published in hardback, but his agent did call me, and got the review into Scribner’s hands and into the paperback edition. I’m not as worried as I used to be that he’ll disappear under the waves, and although there’s nothing on the horizon, I’m sure somebody will publish his next novel when the time comes.

The guy I really worry about is Jack O’Connell. He had a good start, winning the Mysterious Press first book contest for his amazing Box 9, a work about designer drugs, linguistics, the post office and a million other things. In it he introduced the reader to the decaying, thoroughly corrupt, rusting New England mill town of Quinsigamond, O’Connell’s own personal Yoknapatawpha County, an unappealing slab of the post-industrial whose dark soul was further explored in his next two books, Wireless and The Skin Palace. Although these works were entertaining and also built around provocative themes, they weren’t quite up to the Box 9 standard, reflecting, much like William Gibson’s follow ups to Neuromancer, an author ill at ease with the demands of the traditional genre series. But they were certainly a whole lot better than the silence that followed, and I feared the curse of the three book contract, following which many a good writer has disappeared from view. So imagine my joy when Word Made Flesh appeared from another publisher, and not only was it a Quinsigamond novel, it was a great one, a meditation on crime and memory and the word, all wrapped up in a noir package.

But it’s out of print now too, and the silence extended even longer. Then I got that old thrill again to see an O’Connell book called The Resurrectionist with a publication date of April in the Ingram catalogue. But even better than that, the wonderful people at Algonquin Books sent me a uncorrected proof, which I tore into.

It’s hard to describe how these favorite authors affect me. To be in the middle of their work is like being under the influence of a very fine drug or a very real dream. While it has some noir elements, The Resurrectionist is not really a mystery, and only tangentially enters the Quinsigamond universe. It’s rather driven forward by the unraveling of various mysteries, most of them concerning Sweeney, a hapless pharmacist, who has come to the vaguely sinister Peck Clinic to seek care for his son Danny, who is in a persistent coma. Sweeney is a bitter, unstable character, whose guilt and wounds concerning his departed wife and damaged son are still very close to the surface. Besides Dr. Peck, the director of the clinic (who I can’t help but visualize as Dr. Finklestein from The Nightmare Before Christmas), and Alice, his beautiful daughter, who are into some a little too cutting edge therapies, Sweeney and Danny find themselves of interest to a brutal but metaphysical biker gang, The Abominations. Parallel to the main narrative and intersecting it at odd points is another story, ostensibly from a comic book beloved by Danny called Limbo, the tale of a group of saintly circus freaks and their travails.

The real hero here is consciousness itself, and the action circles its central mysteries like a whirlpool, revealing the answers to many questions even as it raises many more. As reaching the center of the maelstrom and finding final knowledge is, of course, the same thing as annihilation, the common narrative strategy used by authors from Melville to Nunn when approaching this place of no contradiction is to have an observer exit the ship just before the final moment, an Ishmael who survives but is still able to witness Ahab’s destruction. In our debased age, word processors like Steven King dare to present their myopic vision of the realm beyond the looking glass, full of rubber monsters and special effects, leaving nothing to the imagination and at the same time obscenely trivializing the unspeakable. O’Connell, however, takes another, less traveled path, one used by Poe in such works as The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym and MS. Found in a Bottle – we leave the central character suspended, on shipboard at the moment when everything will become clear and the world as he knows it will cease to exist. Bliss.

 

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2/29

February 29 – you’ve got to dig it for the novelty factor if nothing else. It seems sort of like a day out of time – you don’t really think of scheduling something on February 29 and I know that for at least one more day I don’t have to worry about all the stuff I have to do in March and April. Add a fairly nasty little snow squall and you’ve got the recipe for a nice day to chill out and UBUIZE. If only I didn’t have to pay the rent…but I’ve already had a bunch of nice customers, so I can even manage not to worry about that. Nothing stops those people going to the tailor in the back of my building though, people just troop in there rain snow sleet or hail. I don’t really get it – I go to a tailor about every ten years when I buy a new suit, and even then it’s the one at the department store! But good for her – she’s nice for a tailor (I’ve noticed they can in general be a little crabby) and when I sliced my finger open cutting a box I knew I could find a band-aid back there.

ANYWAY – my bestest Net buddy STELLA issued this appeal on her fabulous site

http://swimclub.blogspot.com/

We each make a disc stuffed chock full of our very favorite tunes.
Then I collect them all, make copies and distribute the new ones to the other participants.
It’s a can’t lose. For the effort of racking one’s brains for the top 20 (or so) all time personal favorites you get three or four most interesting peeks into someone else’s musical soul.
And you might just learn something before we’re through.

So here’s mine – it’s not exactly my favorite songs, just a bunch that sound real good and even profound together at the moment. Since I was a two and a half hours in the P’s going through the i-tune alphabet I cut it off there for editing, which means the Stones, Television and Van Morrison, three of my favorites, aren’t even represented:

To Eternity (From UBU)

Ghost Song – The Doors – American Prayer

Sweet Jane – Lou Reed – Take No Prisoners

Captain Hook – John Cale – Sabotage

High Heel Sneakers – Jerry Lee Lewis – Whole Lotta Shakin’

Pineola – Lucinda Williams – Live at the Fillmore

No Surrender – Bruce Springsteen – Live 1975-1985

Laughing – Pere Ubu – Datapanik in the Year Zero

Insight – Joy Division – Les Bain Douches

We Are All Prostitutes – The Pop Group – Rough Trade Shops

(White Man) In Hammersmith Palais – The Clash – The Story of

Waterloo Sunset – The Kinks – Something Else

We Are The Dead – David Bowie – Diamond Dogs

Catch The Wind – Donovan – Hurdy Gurdy Man

‘Til I Die – The Beach Boys – Endless Harmony

Chicklets – Patti Smith – Radio Ethiopia

to eternity

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The Hundred Year War

The other question that came to me while watching the conservative opinion channels is this – why are right wingers so turned on by war? What is it about destroying property, sacrificing young men and incinerating civilians that makes war so appealing? Dick Cheney seems utterly devoted to the concept of fighting as many wars as possible, even though he and Bush passed on their own chance to put their lives on the line for their county when presented with the opportunity.

The line on Fox these days – and since it’s their policy to have panels comprised only of people who agree with each other, there’s a lot of echo going on – is that the surge worked in Iraq and that we are now "winning," a development that practically guarantees surge fan John McCain a victory in November. Of course in this case it’s not a semantic game to ask what winning in Iraq really means. The cons like to frame this war as if it were a more traditional conflict like World War Two, you know, one where the U.S. or our allies were attacked and we defended ourselves. It’s pretty easy to figure out when one of those is over, the other side surrenders, their capitol is occupied and their leader is captured. By those standards the war in Iraq was won long ago, but that’s clearly not the case. There must be different standards for a war of whim.

Let’s look at the ostensible reasons for the war and see if they are any closer to being achieved. The whole thing was sold to the American public as an urgent mission to prevent another immanent 9/11 by disarming a madman flush with weapons of mass destruction. Now of course that seems about as logical as me razing my block in order to prevent elephant infestation – Bush managed to prevent something that wasn’t going to happen. But that was just the aspect his regime chose to push the invasion – the big picture republican thinkers (oxymoron!) really had a grandiose idea about creating a free, capitalistic, moderate, secular, Israel loving ally in the heart of the Mideast whose heavenly values would rub off on all those around them. Clearly, no victory is in sight on that front either, and it’s safe to say that such a state will not emerge from the current situation. Fighting Al Qaeda is another circular goal, as that organization had no presence in Iraq before the invasion, profited mightily by it, although, as a foreign presence they are starting to be repelled by the Iraqi people, declaring victory there is rather like starting a fire then congratulating yourself for putting it out. No, at this point victory in Iraq means little more than leaving the country in a slightly better condition that we found it, which most Iraqis would say is far from the case.

The invasion and occupation of Iraq were conducted in strict accordance with conservative ideology. Since Pope Ronnie Reagan declared that government is the problem rather than the solution, all branches of government were destroyed. Privatization is another holy word to the right and became the main priority in the crucial early days of reconstruction. Of course the result of the application of these sacred principles was not untidy freedom and a booming economy but sheer anarchy. But physics tells us that even total chaos will eventually resolve into some kind of order. In Iraq all the sectarian violence and murder has lead to a de facto separation of Sunni and Shiite. Local strongmen have taken over the responsibility for keeping order, which accounts for the current lessening, but by no means cessation, of suicide blasts and bullet riddled bodies. There is no real viable national government, no functional army, judiciary or police, and not much prospect of any developing. Rather than spreading democratic values we’ve alienated much of the rest of the world and made Iraq’s neighbors grateful for the tyrants who at least maintain power and water. This is the progress that is trumpeted by the right, this is the victory we’re so close to.

So why is it so important to the right to continue the charade? Again you can break it down two ways, the psychological and the economic. The constant desire to be manly, tough and hard, certainly speak to a certain anxiety about masculinity that seems to pervade the conservative movement, and their burning desire to force American "values" on the rest of the world would seem to indicate that they don’t believe those values have much appeal on their own. But let’s face it, war is big business for the old military-industrial complex, and the profits for administration supporters and favorites like Halliburton and Blackwater beggar belief. What a boon for the supporters of the Republican party if we do have troops in Iraq for a hundred years as McCain envisions. Think of all the profit taking, over billing and graft that could be accomplished in that period, especially since the war budget has been separated from scrutiny. It’s pretty obvious that the right’s high minded idealism and patriotism always seem to lead to the fattening of their wallets. The talking heads on Fox no longer try to deify Bush, but they still endorse the hard right direction he’s taken the country, despite the fact that it has led America straight over a cliff.

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