I’ve never been too impressed with Dennis Miller, not even back in the SNL days when everybody else thought he was cool. I guess it’s because we’re both from Pittsburgh, and I know that in every tavern in the city there’s a guy on a barstool who’s exactly like him – a greasy know it all master of snide bluster, a master of trivia and the possessor of an ostentatiously inflated vocabulary. Usually you just smile at the guy, maybe get a few laughs at his expense and then edge away when he starts blathering in your ear. I can’t imagine paying to hear his relentless jive, or even going to the trouble of turning on the radio or television. So it’s kind of amazing to me that he still has a career, much less gets referred to, as he was in a recent Detroit Free Press article, as a purveyor of "fiercely intelligent comedy."

"Just try to keep up" with him says Freep writer Julie Hinds. Keep up with him? That’s not hard – what’s difficult is to keep from blowing your lunch. Case in point is his very first sally in the interview, in which he says he really considers himself a "libertarian." I recently heard this one from Bruce Willis, and it’s becoming a popular line with right wingers in general as the Bush regime, the aggressive embodiment of all things conservative, continues one of the most spectacular train wrecks in our nation’s history, exposing the total bankruptcy of conservative ideas and ideals. It’s amazing that the "libertarian" claim would come out of a mouth that’s spent so much time kissing the behinds of Bush and Cheney. Isn’t their regime responsible, after all, for the greatest REDUCTION of American personal liberty in our time? The greatest example of unchecked, unbalanced, willfully abused government power? What is libertarian about what goes on in our airports? About opening mail, listening to phone calls, eavesdropping and spying on American citizens? And how about illegal detention and torture? How libertarian is that? Not to mention the packing of a Supreme Court that’s strengthening the unilateral powers of the executive branch and stripping the individual of personal rights as fast as it can. A true libertarian would be protesting at Republican fund-raisers, not standing at the podium making cracks about Democrats.

But, ah, the reason dullards such as myself construe Miller to be right wing is because he doesn’t "trust radical Islamic fundamental terrorists." (And don’t you mean fundamentalist not fundamental, Genius boy?) Who does trust them? And what the heck does that have to do with your beloved Iraq war? Saddam Hussein was a wretched tyrant, one of too many, but he wasn’t radical, Islamic, fundamental (sic) or a terrorist, he had NOTHING to do with 9/11, and our "preemptive" invasion didn’t preempt anything, only opened up a huge Sunni population to the blandishments of a previously absent Al-qaeda, brought the Shiites closer to Iran, tied down our army, killed many soldiers and even more civilians and set the war against terrorism back to behind the starting line. Kudos, Bush supporters! Aren’t you proud of your boy! He sure didn’t trust those terrorists to be where the intelligence experts knew they weren’t !

It’s ironic that Dennis denies the one brilliant thing he’s ever done, his genius career veer to the right after 9/11. After his humiliating prime time flame out on Monday Night Football, his job prospects must have looked a little dim, and he had to become pretty inventive if he wasn’t going end up as the next Joe Piscopo. And what less crowded field could there be than Republican comedy? What a growth opportunity! And for a moment there it looked like Rove and company were actually going to foist a one party system on this country and Dennis could be its more partisan Bob Hope! And since the Republican’s greatest skill and number one priority is raising funds, there were plenty of jillion dollar a plate banquets to work and lots of loose cash for the grabbing. Because Republican wit is pretty much an oxymoron, the gigs weren’t that hard either, and all he had to do was make a few smarmy remarks about Hillary to bring the house down.

But the tide has turned and with all the boys under indictment or going to jail that gig ain’t what it used to be, and the HBO and CNBC things didn’t really work out either. Now he’s trying the last show biz resort of radio (I guess game shows didn’t come calling). He’s hitched his political star to the buffoon Rudy Giuliani, who, Miller, claims is his "ideal candidate," the solution to the terrorist problem because he’s "not going to be neurotic about defending us against morons." Neurotic behavior being defined here, I suppose, as adherence to the bill of rights and other traditional American niceties. It’s also pretty funny that the amorphous terrorists can at once be these crafty criminals whose genius calls for draconian preventative measures and simple morons who can be defeated by having enough guts to blast them. If Rudy really means to defend us against morons he’ll put a muzzle on Miller rather than make him his court jester.