To all patrons and Grounds Monitors:

It has come to my attention that through the first through the fifth week of the previous month that a certain unknown individual was suspected of rifling through the garbage cans on school grounds in search of plastic lids. Since it is a known fact that these lids are prohibited on school grounds property, we can only hazard the hypothesis that this activity was undertaken in order to embarrass certain school officials. However, it must be admitted that during the preceding 14 months several discrepancies have been discovered concerning the recycling pail wherein the formerly ubiquitous lids have been stored pending an investigation by the Environmental Protection Agency.

Therefore one can only conclude there is an agent of an institution or institutions unfriendly to the present school administration at work in and around our garbage cans. Though these plastic lids may seem unimportant to the uninitiated, we of the Central Committee believe that this is an issue of the highest importance both to ourselves and to all members of our school community. I personally believe that this individual who claims to be an employee of the school system is in fact a reporter looking for some kind of scandal ridden story with which to tar the good reputation of our principal and other members of our school Sensitivity Team. I know, speaking for myself and also for the Commander of the 15^th forward County School Group Procedure Administration, that I am loath to criticize or name any of the malefactors who probably spring immediately to your mind as well as my own, including most especially those agitator members of school teachers local 112 who shall remain nameless for the current moment.

I hope the preceding comments speak for themselves because they are made in a spirit of equanimity, and with good feeling toward all, except of course those individuals who have persisted in making an issue of these plastic cup lids, when in fact it is well-known to all members of our community that the Commander, the principal and myself are all vitally interested in this pressing problem that faces all of us as Americans and citizens of the County School Group Procedure Administration. I hope this issue has now become as clear to you as it is to me and the members of the School Sensitivity Cup Lid Task Force.

More to come on this pressing problem in the future, most likely in the form of an announcement during Teacher Awareness Day on the 14^th over the PA system by Jingles McDowell, the local radio personality (and my close personal friend) who will be gracing us with her vivacious presence during Teacher Awareness Day. However, it is strongly advised that you do not share the lid situation with Jingles, or any other member of local or national media renown.

Sincerely,

Arnold McOnistupoduch Bellingham,

Concerned Citizen Awareness Liaison