Greetings!

You may well wonder at what point it is appropriate to begin thinking about the Wax Bean Festival that will occur this October at the Wax Beans Grounds. The answer is simple for the time is now. Who can say at what point that the wax beans will begin to mature? Certainly no human agency can come up with that information! Only one person can help us there and he is currently residing in Modesto, California. Of course I refer to our founder, Mr. Jesse Ad Davis.

In the absence of Mr. Jesse Ad Davis, we can only turn to more fallible human agents such as Miss Sally Fotheringham, who currently serves as our main director for scheduling those pesky sprouts. Miss Sally at this present time believes that the leaves will begin their full maturity at approximately 3:10 p.m. on October 15. There are many who do not agree with this assessment, but they are presently being incarcerated in the wax bean facility in the north of town. It must be reiterated that there is no room in the wax world for false controversy.

Cutting-edge technology will enable us to bring wax beans into the 21^st century. Certain advancements have been made in this direction by our own Dr. Fernswoggle McKnight. But as to what those advancements are I cannot reveal until the appropriate time, or else I will end up incarcerated in the wax bean facility myself!

But what can you, the lowly average wax bean peon, do to advance our noble cause? It is quite simple, money is always needed, as well as human tissue and body parts. Even your pet or spouse can be utilized to further the growth of baby wax beans. In addition to these important contributions, Miss Sally Fotheringham could certainly use a new bra, girdle, or support garment, preferably in black, red, or of a lacy, transparent nature. Dr. Fernswoggle McKnight also informs me is looking for an alternator for a late model American motors Gremlin.

I hope this brief missive answers some of your myriad questions concerning the Wax Bean Festival. Remember that many are called but few are chosen, and those of us that have assumed the vast responsibility of directing the Wax Bean Festival must be amply compensated in ways that may appear excessive to the uninitiated and ignorant such as yourself. But that will be covered in a future memo that will be delivered in approximately 3 to five days.

Remember, only you can produce wax beans!

Your Grand Leader,

Elmira Midnight Smith Jones